Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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