if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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