when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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