Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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