if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
