I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
