I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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