she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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