You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
