I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize