I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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