so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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