I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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