well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
