I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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