Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize