I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
