fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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