Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
