It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
