No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
