Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
