He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
