mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I currently don't understand fingers.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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