I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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