im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i love accidental penises.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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