Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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