My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
