Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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