i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
