dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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