"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
