and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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