Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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