i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
