i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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