Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize