she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
