I looked at my own cervix.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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