8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
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Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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