i would punch a child for taco bell
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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