Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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