...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
