You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
