we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
