ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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