So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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