Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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