Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
