I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
