im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
