I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
