That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
