As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
