First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
