Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
