Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
