Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
