I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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