His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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