I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
