I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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