Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
