fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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