Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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